I’m having trouble sleeping. So, I’m thinking… Why don’t I make a commitment to writing something in this blog everyday? That’s too much, I reason. I’ll fail to do that and then won’t write at all. The compromise I’ve come up with is, every other day... at least. How will this effect my other blogs? I”m not sure.
I’ll start today.
Saturday morning. Looking at the screen and asking myself where to begin. That’s the problem with keeping things in for so long… It all gets jumbled and priorities are lost.
Well, I guess this period of my life can be aeen as starting when I had my first VTach experience. At that time, despite my brovado, I began to feel scared. A part of my body that had never caused problems in my youth, was acting strangely. People around me were acting scared. Lots of serious faces, furrowed brows. I became accutely aware of how my heart was beating, and my own fear started to overshadow the fear of the people around me.
It’s not like the movies. I mean there is no dramatic event with swelling violin music in the background. It’s just beeping noises and a slow diminishing of my body’s capabilities. I’m not talking about the experience of getting shocked to make my heart slow down – That’s pretty dramatic even without the music (and it hurts).
All of a sudden my strength is less,… walking becomes a chore and nurses drift in and out of sight. And the kicker is that after all that time, when I’m starting to feel better (hell, I even started another blog), I’m about to enter another medical hole.
This entire preoccupation with getting trackbacks and comments working is just a delaying tactic from getting started on writing.
Well, this is the new blog. No sense in waiting for it to look perfect before writing.
The reasoning for this one has to do with being open. In this blog, I will make no conscious effort to hide my true feelings or thoughts about things. That is what the name and tagline indicate. The thoughts that sort of skim across my mind are no longer safe from being exposed. This is quite an experiment because I will know when I type, whether I am bullshitting myself or not.